Chapter 6

Today

The rickety recon helicopters shook violently, causing my wounds to throb and sting. My bare, swollen feet dangled outside the open doorway as I desperately tried to stop the bleeding from my stomach with bandages. The once-white fabric was now soaked in deep red, matching the blood that covered my entire abdomen. Despite my attempts at staying composed, my mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. On one hand, I was grateful to be alive, surviving this encounter with that liger, Kiara - the only person who understood me and shared my burden. But on the other hand, I couldn't help but question why we were cursed with this affliction. I thought it was just me.

Our aircraft skimmed low over the dark, rugged landscape, the faint blue hue of dawn just beginning to peek through the horizon. The world seemed to come alive in this moment, the first rays of sunlight signaling a new day and a fresh start - a beautiful contrast to the chaos and pain engulfing me. The red and orange streaks of sunrise painted the sky with fiery brushstrokes, while below us, the land was shrouded in shadows and mystery. As I gazed out the window in wonder, my heart heavy with emotion, I couldn't help but marvel at nature's daily rebirth - a reminder that even in the darkness, there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.

As we landed on the heliport, I caught sight of Shiinx and her worried face standing with a few other medical responders beside a gurney. My heart swelled with relief at the sight of her worried face. She was my rock, always by my side through danger and turmoil. I couldn't imagine facing this world without her. The thought of losing her sent a shiver down my spine. If something were to happen to her, I don't know what I would do. She keeps me grounded, calms the monster within me. Without her, it'd would consume me completely.

The helicopter landed with a jolt and I stumbled out, barely able to stand on my trembling legs. The blood that was pooling in my lap splashing to the metal floor. Shiinx rushed towards me, her face contorted with fear and worry. I raised my hand weakly, trying to keep her away, but she crashed into me with all her might. My abdomen screamed in pain as she squeezed me tightly, tears streaming down her fur.

She sobbed, burying her face against my neck. "I was so scared, Forza. I thought I lost you."

My heart raced as I tried to calm her down. But deep inside, the fear and panic were rising rapidly. Everything was not okay, and I was barely holding on. As I struggled to catch my breath, the realization hit me that I might not be fine after all.

She leaned off of me a bit and put her hand on mine which was still around my stomach. “How bad is it? Let me see?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. “I can't,” I whispered. She just nodded in understanding, giving the medical team some space.

The two medical technicians glided the stretcher to my side as they prepared to help me onto it.

“Take your time, sir,” one of the techs said with genuine concern.

My vision blurred as I felt a hand gently press on my shoulder. “Sir?”

“I suppose you want me up on that contraption, huh?”

“Yup. Same routine as always,” replied the other tech with a hint of dry humor.

Suppressing a groan, I pushed myself up and swung my legs onto the gurney, feeling the cool clothe against my fur. I laid back and folded my hands on my chest, trying to keep them from trembling.

As they wheeled me away, Shiinx stayed by my side. I could feel her concerned gaze on me as we moved. "Forza, what happened out there?"

I kept my eyes closed and pressed a bloody hand against my forehead, struggling to form a coherent response. We were... ambushed by..." My mind went blank trying to find the words.

"Did the Sun Jin find you?" Shiinx asked urgently.

"No, it was another," I managed to say. "A Templar woman."

Shiinx's eyes widened in surprise. "A woman? Was she a survivor from the crash?"

I shook my head weakly. "No, she was the one who attacked."

I heard one of the medical technicians say something about me losing a lot of blood. "Ma'am, he needs immediate attention-"

"Okay, okay," Shiinx cut them off, her focus completely on me now.

Another thought crossed my mind, one I had to speak up. “Shiinx,” I started as I tried to lean up. One of the medical put his hand on my chest though to keep me back. “Listen.”

“What?” Her eyes widen in shock as she turns to me.

“Get on the comm lines now. Tell Colonel Ukatan that our cover is compromised.”

“How? What happened?”

“Chambers and Rafaya's bodies are still back there. I couldn't retrieve them or our equipment. They'll be able to trace it back here.”

She nods quickly, her expression grim. “I'll inform him immediately.” She takes a deep breath, still moving with us but her eyes moving to the side lost in concerned thought. “I... I have to tell him right now, Forza.” She said, looking back at me conflicted in her commitments.

I force a nod despite the pain shooting through my body. “Don't worry about me. Just come see me once it's done and let me know what he says.”

She grips my hand tightly, her face serious. “I will, and don't worry. I know the drill - You don't exist. You take care of yourself,” she said before slowing down and falling behind.

—

After what felt like an eternity, I finally looked at the clock on the wall and groaned. Only half an hour had passed. I didn't get much sleep before I was awakened for the mission, so I was still very tired. As I lay on the cold, hard table – or was it a bed? Who knows, I was too drugged up to care – I couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of it all. Here I was, hoping for a chance to rest and now wishing I could just stay awake.

My fuzzy vision caught sight of Shiinx sneaking into the room beyond my hanging IV bag. Before she could reach me, one of the doctors stopped her and whispered something. My heart raced as I imagined all sorts of worst-case scenarios until she finally reached me, grinning sheepishly.

"Everything okay?" I asked, praying it wasn't anything serious.

"Just some botched surgery jokes," she replied with a smirk. And suddenly, the fear and tension dissipated as we both dissolved into a small chuckle.

I managed a weak smile before asking, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you need emergency surgery and that you should be fine. He said that he was surprised you made it back, you know... after escaping on foot from the crash, and the flight back, in your condition."

"That's exactly what he told me," I sighed. "And Ukatan?"

She gave a small gulp before nodding, squeezing my hand tighter. "We're destroying our records and packing up, Forza."

"Evacuation?"

She nodded again, this time with a slight smile. "There's too much risk. We have to abandon base."

"Sorry," I closed my eyes briefly.

"It's not your fault, Forza," she said as she ruffled my white hair a bit. "We've had to do this before, but usually under smaller circumstances." A moment of quiet as she just watched me. "I'm sorry about Rafa and Chambers..."

There was no good response to this. If it weren't for them, it could have been me. The thought lingered in the back of my mind, but I pushed it away for now.

"Are you okay?" She squeezed my hand once more for reassurance.

"I... I'm fine. Just lost in thought."

She leaned in and tapped my forehead gently with her feline fingertip, her voice laced with concern, "I'm talking about up here. You seem... different."

My breath caught in my throat as I struggled to explain, "The Templar woman, Kiara... she's like me. She has it too." Fear swirled within me at the thought of this dark kindred spirit, but also a deep sense of empathy for her plight. I could see her feral green eyes, her broken armor laced with tattered red clothe, her bloody straight sword.

“The nightmares and anxiety.”

My hands trembled as I spoke, reflecting the fear that consumed me. Shiinx leaned in, her expression full of worry.

“I think it's worse for her. And I can't even remember how this all started for me but I know that around her it was like looking in a mirror.” I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself. “The darkness, this Bloodtiger... I wish you could see the real me, Shiinx. But all I can remember is Caisteal. The snow.”

She rested her chin on the edge of the bed, gazing at me with concern. “Do you have any other memories? Anything else before waking up on Tier?”

I closed my eyes, struggling to recall anything else. “Just... snow and trees. And some lights. There are certain smells that trigger something in my mind. And there's this face... I see her in my dreams. Caistealian fox. She's always there, holding me.” My voice cracked as I spoke, the weight of my inner fears becoming too much to bear.

“A woman, huh?” she chuckled a little bit sarcastically.

I nodded a bit, “She was there for me.” I opened my eyes a bit and turned my head to look at her. “Shiinx, this was immediately after... I was pretty messed up from the things that happened there and the things they made me do. The kindling for the fire. My fear was always there but it didn’t have any fuel to feed off of. After I was captured and... the things they made me do...”

My mind’s eye wavered a bit. Images I didn’t want to see. The dead bodies and blood on my hands. That night under a red sunset. One swing of the farmers spear, one simple dodge with a step to the side, one single handed effortless upward swing of my blade.

She nodded before I finished. “I understand, okay? I hope she was able to help you. We’ll figure it out, alright? Together.”

I turned my head a bit to the opposite side, noting how my vision was motion blurred from the drugs. Another charging me, two swords into his chest and stepping forward to lift his body up in front of me, pulling the swords apart with a grunt and the body exploding in two against the crimson light.

“Commander,” spoke the doctors voice from someplace in the room.

I heard her shift her body to look, or listen, whatever. She moved.

I felt my hand squeeze again. “I'll be right back,” she started. "Something is happening."

"Alright," I replied as I looked back at her to see where she was going... wait what the fuck? It was him, the... other me. The dark half of myself, stood before me in all its terrifying glory. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and a sudden panic filled my lungs. It was like looking into a distorted mirror of my own twisted soul, and the ringing in my ears grew deafening and I could feel the ground shake under us as it flew at me. The light around him was turned grayed, washed out, and distorted by his dark aura. Absolute panic.

In a split second, the gurney I was lying on was violently overturned, throwing me crashing to the floor with a loud thud. The room was consumed in darkness, only the dim red emergency lights of the operating room illuminating us. But even that light seemed to be swallowed by his presence.

His claws dug into my neck and arm, his grip was steel as he leaned into me, slamming me against the wall with a sickening force over and over again. I gasped for air as pain shot through the back of my head and the rest of my body. I was completely frozen, paralyzed. I could hear the tiles on the wall cracking behind my head. All I could do was weakly grasp at his hands, trying to somehow stop him from crushing the life out of me. It was pure chaos and fear as I realized that this had become something real, something tangible that was intent on destroying me. And in that moment, I knew I was helpless against its power. I had always been helpless against its power...

His head, a twisted mirror image of my own, with eyes glowing with bloodlust and hunger, loomed closer and closer to mine. The unnatural feather-laden crest in place of normal Amber Krowen hair seemed to be alive, writhing and reaching out for me. I desperately tried to push him away, but his strength was unimaginable. With a tilt of his head, he sank his fangs into my neck, tearing through flesh with ease. He was butcher... I was bone. Don't stop. Don't think. Don't look back.

The pain was beyond anything I had ever experienced, searing and consuming my entire being. The blood spray painted the walls red. My screams were drowned out by the gargling sound of my own blood filling my lungs. Each cough sent more blood spewing from my mouth, splattering like macabre art. This was not just a physical attack, but a psychological one as well - a reminder that I was no match for this darkness. A reminder that this is what happens when I dwell on the past. When I mistakenly give just an ounce of excessive focus on the darkness or try to figure out where it came from. Jethro. Don't stop. Don't think... I can't fall asleep now.

My arms were suddenly stripped of their warmth. As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw armed soldiers from the Sun Jin Empire advancing towards me with weapons drawn. My body was frozen with fear as I realized they were Bethians, the feline race that inhabited the Sun Jin capital planet of Bethany. But these soldiers were different, wearing armor that reminded me of the facility where everything went wrong.

A familiar voice whispered in my ear, "They've come to take you back."

I tried to shake off the creeping feeling of dread but it only intensified as the memories flooded back. Without thinking, I stood up and charged at the soldiers with a primal roar. I refused to go back there, to relive the horrors I had endured.

With a primal roar, I snatched up the blazing orange Templar sword from the nearby table. I lunged into the throng of soldiers, a powerful horizontal swing that tore through their ranks. Their rifles were no match for my weapon, shattering like twigs and blood spewed from the open gashes of their armor. The blood sprayed in all directions as I charged forward. Clad in the impenetrable Gotanenks Armor, I was a force of destruction, my enemies nothing but mere insects beneath my feet. As they futilely fired upon me, their bullets ricocheted off an invisible shield with cascades of green sparks. But it was all meaningless to me. My only objective was to annihilate every last one of them. In my left hand, I brandished the other sword. The pair once wielded by Kaisara herself. I relished in the thrill of battle as I continued my merciless onslaught. They would all pay for standing against me. I pulled them in - nowhere to hide now. I was falling asleep.

My strength was in close combat. Throats were slashed, tendons cut, and weapons were destroyed. With the thick black cloaked hood over my head, I slammed the blade of a knife downward into one of the soldiers shoulder and dived into the metal lined hallway. There, a few feet off the ground, I slammed into the wall and dug the claws of one hand into the steal, holding me propped up off the floor.

My black armor hung loosely off my hips and shoulders as I noticed three more figures sprinting towards me down the hall. My armor made a few mechanical clicks as the knives were slid in between my fingers. Following the beat of the alarm going off I made a powerful push off the wall, flipped into the air and launched my arms in their direction. A barrage of knives cut through the air and struck their bodies before I landed on my feet. I am the answer.

As one of them stood up and fled from me, his weapon out of reach, I slowly got back on my feet. A single Dragon Fang, a sharp and small missile controlled remotely via thought, detached from my armor on my back and chased after him. I had to close my eyes a moment to focus, but I could feel it strike him directly in the back. He flailed his arms before collapsing. I am the end.

My chin rose, but my heart sunk as the familiar sound of the station's defense system rang in my ears. With a snarl, I bolted down the hallway, each step kicking up a cloud of black feathers. They swirled around me, taunting me with their ominous presence. I knew what they meant - the beast within me was near. The anxiety and rage flooded my mind as I continued to run towards my next victim. I know that no matter how many soldiers I impale, the black feathers will never truly go away - always lurking in the nightmares.

I dropped to my hands and knees, hyperventilating. In a mad craze I started picking up the black feathers and looking at them. I kept picking up as many as I could carry, hoping that somehow they would disappear if I could just hold onto them. My fingers trembled as I scooped up handful after handful of the dark reminders of how this started. No matter how many I grabbed, there seemed to always be more around me. I couldn't shake off the feeling of dread and anxiety that consumed me whenever those feathers were present. They were a constant reminder of what I was capable of - a reminder that terrified me. Many of them fell out of my hands and drifted to the floor but I kept collecting them, desperate to make them disappear, but as hard as I tried, it seemed like an impossible task.

I feel back on my heels, tears streaming down my panicked face as I held onto the handful of them tightly. Maybe if I could just carry them all with me, they would go away. Maybe if I could control them, they wouldn't control me. I knew that was just wishful thinking. No matter how many I collected or how tightly I held onto them they would always be there.

I slowly lowered myself to lie on the cold metal floor with a heavy heart and trembling hands. The tears continued to fall as my mind raced.

I released a deep sigh and sat up, trying to calm my racing heart. My twin sat behind me, mirroring my position as we both took deep breaths. As I leaned back, our backs touched, the soft thud of our heads connecting. It was just a dream... just a manifestation of my inner fears. He was a part of me, though, and I had to accept it. I remembered his name is Jethro. He wants me to be his Bloodtiger, like Kiara. I sighed and closed my eyes. This was close. I had to stay awake. Don't go back to sleep, Forza, like Kiara had. Stay grounded, stay awake.